Ancient greeks defined the concept of love in a sophisticated way. They broke it down into 8 different types. When it comes to love, it can be helpful to have a range of words to describe what we feel. What are these 8 different types of love?
EROS – Romantic love
In Greek mythology, Eros is known has the God of Love. He is often depicted as the representation of sexual passion and primal desire. This kind of love is characterised by a loss of control and impulsivity. Eros is a type of love which awakes raw desire and is blinded by passionate romance. In romantic relationships, this is the type of love that many yearn for as it is perceived to be the ultimate goal. This perception is largely driven by social expectations and other types of love can bring happiness within a relationship.
PHILIA – Friendship love / Affectionate love
The Greeks viewed Philia as a type of love where physical attraction was not a needed attribute to express its meaning. This thought was put forward by philosopher Plato, and the word “platonic” meaning “without physical attraction” comes after its author. Philia carries gentleness and loyalty. It expresses a sense of belonging and acceptance without the intensity of physical desire. Philia is characterised by a sense of shared goodwill and companionship.
STORGE – Familial love
Similarly to Philia, Storge is a platonic type of love. It is the love that characterises the bond between parents and children. This type of love is the foundation which teaches children the blueprint of love in relationships. It helps build self-confidence and safety.
AGAPE – Unconditional love
Agape is an altruistic type of love. Agape is also defined as the selfless love as when it is given, it doesn’t expect anything in return. This type of love demands full acceptance of the other(s) as they are and of their differences. Agape is difficult to cultivate and is challenging to keep over time. To keep Agape going, it is important to strike a balance between acceptance and affirmation. We accept the other for who they are, without trying to change them but also affirm ourselves for who we are.
MANIA – Obsessive love
Mania is a needy type of love which is often portrayed by individuals with low self-esteem. It can lead to difficult relationships with issues around trust and jealousy. It is characterised by the need to be loved and the obsession of finding love.
LUDUS – Playful love
Ludus may be a precursor of Eros type of love as it is often seen in the early stages of a romantic relationship. Ludus has a sense of excitement and novelty which make individuals feel alive. Ludus can be difficult to cultivate over time but remains an essential ingredient to successful long-term relationships.
PRAGMA – Enduring love
Pragma is a mature type of love which commands respect between partners. It is usually found in long-term relationships or friendships where love has tenderness and understanding, as well as compromise elements to it. Pragma helps to build harmony in relationships, by developing patience, tolerance and understanding. Pragma often grows over time rather than just being felt.
PHILAUTIA – Self-love
Philautia is an essential element to enable all the other types of love. Without self-live, it is difficult to fully love someone else in any way. Philautia is about self-acceptance and self-compassion. Learning self-care before trying to care for others is a healthy base for successful relationships. Philautia is not to be confused with vanity or self-obsession, it is about feeling good about oneself in order to freely accept others.
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