Loneliness… what is it?

Loneliness is a concept that relates to the way we feel when missing social contact with one or more people. As with most personal experiences, the feeling of loneliness is unique and individual to each person, in other words, no one feels loneliness in the same way. Of course, there can be similarities but it’s a personal experience first and foremost.

Loneliness can be experienced in different settings, with different people and for different reasons. The way we respond to feeling loneliness is equally an individual experience, and there isn’t a right way or wrong way of dealing with it.

Feeling loneliness can happen even when surrounded by many other people. Loneliness is there to express the feeling that something or someone is missing. For example, sometimes in relationships of any nature, an emotional connection which for whatever reason has faded over time may lead someone to feel loneliness in that relationship because what’s missing isn’t a person, it’s something about a person.

Feeling loneliness can lead to isolation and subsequently to mental health issues and loss of self-confidence (2 in 3 people experiencing loneliness), and self-esteem. These in turn, may accentuate our fears to search and reconnect with the missing element which is creating the loneliness feeling. It becomes a vicious circle which seems impossible to break.

Loneliness can be experienced as part of a life changing experience which drives a change in relationships, such as retiring, going through a separation, experiencing a bereavement, moving home to a different location, becoming a parent.

Loneliness can impact overall well-being and long-term physical health. Studies have shown that people experiencing loneliness tend to have higher risk of early mortality (26%).

Understanding why we may be feeling loneliness is not always easy, as on the surface we may seem to “have it all”. Finding a place where we can be heard without being judged can be difficult. Feeling loneliness can be a reason to come to therapy, to work through what driving it and finding ways to manage it.