In simple terms, the erotic mind is our erotic template, how our mind generates interest or not for sex in its broad sense. Sexual satisfaction lies in us understanding what we want and how we want it. The erotic mind holds the keys to that understanding.
Sex is in the brain, in so far as the arousal process is triggered by brain activity, whether a fantasy or the physical sensation of a gentle touch. Without the arousal process, and the brain signals to the rest of the body, sex is unlikely to happen. If it does, it is unlikely that it will be a pleasant experience.
How do we get to know our erotic mind? By exploring our erotic template…
There are some key pre-requisites to exploring our erotic templates. We must stop ourselves from judging our thoughts, we must trust ourselves in gauging our interests and not get influenced by social constructs and last but not least we must be patient and kind to ourselves as it may take some time before we understand and feel comfortable with our erotic template.
The first step to explore the erotic mind is to look back into what is called peak experiences. Think about a time when you have experienced a high level of arousal. Think about what made it so exciting, by looking at who was it with, the settings, what happened, … This will provide essential cues into what turns you on. It is equally important to explore the world of our fantasies as they will reveal other aspects of what we like and how we like it. Fantasies tend to be freer of judgement because they are part of our imagination and can be explored in a more intimate way.
We can then explore the cornerstones of eroticism and identify how we respond to each of these. There are 4 cornerstones of eroticism which are: 1/ longing and anticipation, 2/ violating prohibitions, 3/ searching for power and 4/ overcoming ambivalence. Is any of these situations more potent for our arousal process, which one and how.
A final important point to consider is the role of our emotions in the arousal process. Emotions can trigger an appetite for sex and intoxicate our brains with desire for desire. Each emotion can be a potential sexual aphrodisiac, including emotions such as sadness, frustration or anger.
The erotic mind is often compared to a painter’s palette. We all have different shades on our palette that we like and can only be appreciated by us. Knowing what those shades are and embracing them without judgment is the journey that needs to be undertaken to find happiness and satisfaction in our sexual lives.
To know more about the erotic mind, I recommend the following book: The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin.
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